rapture imminent

May 21, 2011: The rapture.

Christian ministry Family Radio Worldwide puts out the word: The End is Nigh.

“I am telling you, that gets pretty heavy when you see this coming right out of the Bible..."

Why? Simple math...

The world is a funny old place, and this point cannot really be made enough times when it's funniness is of such a violent and constant kind.
This morning, for example, the headlines are full of a special blend of blatant hypocrisy. Nothing new, but always funny:

There's a prestigious business symposium on "the application of Platonic and Hegelian ethics to business" where students were given lap-dances by hired strippers.
The point is made, professor. All business is whores business. Get ready for life as a working girl.

In Texas, a Cop maces a baby squirrel while onlooking children cry. Protect and Serve, ya'll.

An Anti-Porn Lawmaker in Indonesia's Conservative Islamic Political Party is caught looking at porn himself. In Parliament.
He humbly asks God for guidance.

But this is old news to us, and indeed business as usual in government buildings everywhere.

"All Congresses and Parliaments have a kindly feeling for idiots, and a compassion for them, on account of personal experience and heredity." -Mark Twain, Autobiography

Every few years, usually as a warm up to an election season, we watch the now familiar public spectacle of some shiny self-righteous congressman, liberal or conservative, getting caught buying whores, and committing adultery on a sick or dying long time wife or partner, even while crying out for justice and accountability.
Each year in the late spring we watch as the best and brightest rising stars of the Baptist Seminary circuit, the most bright-eyed gay-hating red-blooded men of god among them, go crazed into the streets, filled with desperate seasonal yearning, like mayflys, to have sweaty meth-fueled sex with young male whores, often in the back seats of their family sedans.
In the heat of this passion they are fairly brazen, buying plane tickets to Bangkok and whatnot, and they get caught. And when they get caught their feeble explanations about male-on-male counseling and stance-width crumble apart in a babble of self righteous regret and they weep publicly. They always cry and ask for guidance from the Lord, and indeed, they are forgiven. But they are still fucking scum.

Fukushima reactor goes to "level seven."
Evacuation zone widens, contamination levels rising, and spreading fast.

Tactical Bacon. Be prepared.

Perfected Meat: Cow Cloning for Steaks and for Dairy. Now in Human Flavor!

Hot new conspiracy item: Newscasters gets a dose of The Microwave Brain Scrambler. Makes Judge Judy even less coherent! Classic Mind Control Ray Gun with a hilarious t.v. twist!

Hundred Year Starships

A quintessence of dust; thoughts on life in the Universe form Roger Ebert.

Iron Books; possible new biblical texts from early christian sect discovered. Could shed light on miracles of Jesus.

The Technology of Science Fiction: Quickly outpaced by modern rate of gadget evolution.

Dr Dog and the prophetic words of Fate.

An army of ancients could rise from the ground
and tear every nation apart.
And I'd still be sitting there counting my cards,
wondering when will it start?

The oceans and forests could collide into one
and muddy this world in a spark.
And I'd still be sitting there twiddling my thumbs,
wondering when will it start?

The man could come back on his fiery throne
to measure the feathers and hearts.
And I'd still be whistling dixie alone,
wondering when will it start?

I don't wanna wake up.
I don't wanna move.
I'll skip the sermon and stick to the booze.
I'm sorry...

-Army of Ancients

The Ark

Spreading Contamination

Fukushima Weather: That kinda warm snow we got this morning? That didn't happen. And even if it did, it was completely harmless. So go back to gossiping and posturing and bickering about your petty shit cause it's yesterdays news and all taken care of. Kind of. In the sense that we'll take care of it like we do most of our ugly toxic problems: by dumping it in the ocean.
The water used to cool the still melting down reactors, water that is now so radioactively hot that it burns flesh off will be pumped out into the ocean and "diluted to safe levels."
Just. Like. Oil. In. The. Gulf.
All better now...

But it's not really so bad because we fuck shit up like this all time!
Take for random example the town of Prairie Grove, Arkansas, a little place near where I grew up up.

Read that one through couple of times: A nuclear reactor, a nuclear waste site, a literal river of chicken shit, and factory that makes chicken food with arsenic in it, all of which have made people, lots of people, very sick. But a court ruled that it was all just natural causes and nobody's fault. Certainly not the fault of failing state regulation of safety standards or a corrupted and incompetent corporation.

"No, we have no idea why your child's testicles have turned into festering tumors, and so have many of the other testicles in town, but it is surly mere coincidence, a medical mystery, unknown but quite usual, and not at all being caused by the toxic industrial wasteland we have made of your lives."

Atomic Energy: Just like the fifties, but, you know, everywhere and way fucking scarier.

Fun Nuclear Bonus Fact!
The United States Military alone has used upwards of one hundred tons of depleted uranium ammunition in Afghanistan, the fallout of which not only poisons our own soldiers but has led to an entire generation of children with birth defects and the highest rates leukemia in the world.